ReBeL lOvE sOnG
by BittersweetBlasphemy
Summary: Jesse and Jaden are in love, or, they used to be, but with Jaden on the verge of a musical breakthrough with his band, and Jesse only just coming round after his descent into paranoid agoraphobia, they're drifting apart. Now Jesse's running with a new partner in crime, and Jaden's in for the shock of his life when he realizes Jesse may not need him, but he nedds Jesse. Rewritten.


**ReBeL lOvE sOnG**

**Jesse and Jaden are in love, or, they used to be, but with Jaden on the verge of a musical breakthrough with his band, and Jesse only just coming round after his descent into paranoid agoraphobia, they're beginning to drift apart. Jaden just doesn't seem to have the time or the patience for Jesse anymore, but that suits our cerulean haired angel just fine, because Jesse is finally starting to realize that he doesn't need Jaden as much as he thought he does, and he's running with a new partner in crime now, plunged into a heart stopping rush of faux leather, spikes and chains, and while Jesse and Yusei are set to paint the town black and blue, Jaden suffers a surprize knockback that makes him realize Jesse may not need him anymore, but he sure as hell needs Jesse, though it may already be too late, will Jesse be there to piece together what's left of his techno-coloured Armageddon hero, or has his heart already been captured by the dark knight of a new religion, (A Spiritshipping fic for anyone who got those references.**** Please submit answers in the review section below.****) ****- Blue**

**ChApTeR oNe: BeAuTiFuL rEmAiNs**

**We gather here to sing for you, these words you've written,**

How long had I been curled up in that foetal position in my bed, knees tucked up under my chin, my arms wrapped around myself, as though trying to keep myself from falling apart? I shivered, under the thick layers of dark navy blanket, even though there was no draft plaguing the hollow walls of my bedroom.

The room misted a thin layer of black, thick obsidian drapes blocking any rays of light from a sun that had to be halfway dead. Not even a light bulb flickered above my head, threatening to blow at any moment. It was too dark, but that was okay; better to be blinded, then to look at the world with eyes so bright they failed to see society had been sentenced to death at the guillotine.

Light, light displayed all for everyone to see, it burned the eyes, scorched the skin, and set fire to the land it was supposed to lovingly nourish. Darkness, on the other hand, masked all sins in a silvery glow, it cooled the mind, sharpened the senses, and strengthened the body beyond that of a normal human. At night, people became free to shed their humanity, merely shadows creeping within midnight mist, some sinister, some merely floating by, fallen foul to something they could never understand, and often, never wanted to.

**Each bloodshot beauty still rings true****, from violent crashes,**

Artificial though it was, this false night was a comfort, an icy sensation numbing the heated glare of day. A day I'd sworn I'd never wanted to see again. Out there, bathed in the morning's golden orb, I shuffled along more prey then human being, victim to the vultures circling overhead, hungry to pick at my decaying corpse when I finally kneeled over and died. They crowded like hyena's, sniggering and kicking; punching and giggling, tossing me about like I offered no more worth then a rag doll in a child's arms. Because to them, that was all I where, a broken record set on repeat, a toy train with no wheels, sat stubbornly on the carpet refusing to run.

My mental state cracked as though it were made of porcelain, and like porcelain they smashed me up against the wall and shattered me into a million unfixable pieces.

There they left me for dead – battered, bruised and broken – scattered away in the wind, a whisper, barely a murmur – worthless. Too worthless even to be blessed with the gift of life, they said, sneering at me, their emotionless eyes reflecting my image of horror and pure, undiluted terror.

**Gently rest your weary head, what you live for now is dead,**

If he hadn't been there, my blazing crimson killjoy, I'd have been locked in a Mabel casket, buried under a concrete slab meaning no more to the world then my life did. He cradled me, gently, in his arms, hushing and cooing at me. At that moment, I was a tiny, helpless baby braying in his mother's arms, a little pebble whipped away in the storm, only for him to catch me when the hurricane dropped me down to earth.

Clinging to him – my Jaden, my hero – I was reluctant to ever leave his side again. He smothered me with sheets, bandages and affection, placing sweet kisses down my cheek and jaw line. I'd whimper whenever he'd leave, pathetic I know, but he was everything I had left, and would ever need.

Jaden rushed back into the darkened room, weighed down with fresh bandages and linens. He gentle cleaned the stitched up wounds on my arms, rinsing the grazes on my cheeks, hushing me whenever I winced, reassuring me, "It's okay, Jesse," he'd say, and even though I couldn't see his face, his sharp, handsome features, I could picture his soft, loving smile in my mind, no different to the way he'd always looked at me.

**Goodnight, goodbye, a soul surrenders,**

Now, it would appear, even he had grown sick of me, my unwavering weakness, and my dependence on him. It had all driven him away. Slowly, carefully, feeling as though I would snap if I rushed, I unfurled myself, curling out under the blankets. My aching muscles gave a moan of relief and relaxed, I could never remember the last time moving had been so good.

I kicked the blankets off, and they pooled around the foot of the bed in a dull 'thwump'. Glancing around me, all I could see was shadow, something my eyes grew accustom to look past. I had lived weeks of my life locked away in those four closing walls, only sneaking out at the dead of night to clean my teeth, when I knew everyone else had succumbed to the sandman's slumber. And it had worked fine for me, for a time. As it was, I could sense the brickwork and plaster squeezing in on me. I choked, gasping for breath, my airways constricted.

**This love will set you free, from thoughts of yesterday,**

Panicked, and throwing myself from my bed, I ran for the door, tripping over nothing. But I couldn't breathe, this former safe haven transformed into confinement, the curtains, bars at the window, the door locked, and the key swallowed. I'd built a prison – no, I'd built my coffin.

My fists banged against the door, each breath I forced out getting shallower and shallower. Mist and shadows, black, enveloping me, engulfing me, "I want out," I screamed, hammering harder on the wood,, my words came out scratchy, misused and cracking, but it only made me cry louder, "Let me out, for the love of God, let me out,"

And, minutes before the abyss consumed me completely, the door jolted open, knocking me backwards in shock. Light flooding into my room; fresh air filling my lungs. Hysterics fading, and almost normal, I was met with a frightened sapphire gaze staring down at me from the face of a boy I thought I wouldn't see again before my funeral.

**Now death has come to claim, your beautiful remains,**

Overcome with a wave of emotion splintering the numbness, hurling myself into his arms, I crumbled to pieces and rebuilt myself anew. And Yusei rocked me, steadying his own jumpy heartbeat, "I don't want to be locked away anymore," I sobbed into his shoulder, "I want out."

Hands rubbing soothing circles in my back, Yusei stumbled back and brought us both down to the floor, collapsing under the stress, "You scared the living daylights out of me," His scolded, his tone harsh, "I thought you'd completely lost it." He rested his chin on the top of my tangled mess of hair.

Sniffling, I replied, "I very nearly did. I thought I was going to die."

I perched on a knife's edge on the end on the sofa downstairs while Yusei dialled my psychiatrist, ready to bolt at any time the world's sedation, or confinement where uttered under hushed breath. I wasn't going back into that room, and they weren't going to lock me up either.

Yusei slumped heavily onto the stairs, "No," He answered defiantly, "I do not think that is the best thing for him at the moment." He cut off for several seconds, listening to what the doctor had to say, "I understand, but if you'd have seen how he reacted to being locked up in that bedroom, you'd feel the same way. He'd lose his mind in that place, doctor, so no. You aren't transferring Jesse to Domino Asylum,"

**I'll strike the match to set you off, and watch you glisten,**

Domino Asylum, the name sent chills running down my spine. They'd taken me there twice before, once when I was manically depressed and tried to take my own life, and another time to see Jayne while she was hauled up for treatment for her Scitsophrenia.

The asylum was frozen white, expressionless and cold, it's inhabitants limping lifeless, punching the clock before their next anti-psychotic pill. All three of us, Jayne, Johan and I, once shambled along those corridors, mindless zombies, before finally spitting out the pills and secretly discarding of them. They may have balance us out, but they also made us dull. I'd have rather been crazy then live a life where the colours drained from my eyes.

In the end, it turned out the pills where unneeded anyway, Johan found inner peace in transcendental meditation to calm his anger, and Jayne was perfectly happy lost in a world of her own design. In fact, both even channelled those energies and bounced back stronger for it, Jayne's writing spilling out deeper and darker, and more intense, and Johan finally content with the honour of a top martial arts student. Because of their flaws, they discovered deeper understandings of themselves, and they used that.

I eyed one of Jayne's paintings hanging on the wall, a product of roped in Scitsophrenia. I stared at the three screaming faces, almost barrelling out from the canvas, all three of us, "if I wasn't Scitzo," Jayne had told me, when she was proudly hanging the acrylic masterpiece from the wall, "I'd had never made inner peace with myself, and found my inner psycho." Her Scitsophrenia never hindered her in anyway, not anymore, it fuelled her. It was a part of her, and she wasn't ready to surrender to a life of mediocrity, so her mind could be clear. She never would be.

**Our love's in time a single loss, you never listen, **

We really were of trio of wonder, a psychotic maniac, a depressed lunatic too scared to go outside, and a young woman whose line between reality and fantasy was so blurred she couldn't distinguish between the two anymore. How all of us where still standing amazing everybody.

"Excuse me, but what I want to know, is how somebody can go from being agoraphobic, to suddenly suffering from what seems like a severe case of claustrophobia, "Yusei was yelling, "You aren't listening, we don't need to lock anybody up, this has nothing to do with Jayne, or Johan, they are both doing fine, I'm worried about Jesse." He growled, snarling into the phone.

"He's done a complete one eighty, from being too afraid of coming out of his bedroom, to being too scared to go back in, and I want to know what to fucking do about it." For two more seconds, he listened, before slamming the phone down hard, "You want to lock them all up," He spat bitterly, and "I'd like to see you drag them to that soulless place without World War Three breaking out."

The instant Yusei glanced at me, I ducked my head, trying to make it seem as though I wasn't listening. But he knew I was. He shook his head, face in his palm, "What am I going to do with you?" He sighed.

**Gently rest your weary head, what you live for now is dead,**

I whimpered one word, "Jaden?"

Those stunning blue eyes turned back to me, "Jaden?" I nodded, "He isn't in. He's gone out to do a gig in support for mental health." I smiled feebly. That sounded like my Jaden, always thinking about the bigger cause.

"Why hasn't he been to visit me, he just stopped coming." I continued to press; hoping for some answers, at last. Had Jaden's undying love for me fizzled out?

Yusei half smiled crookedly, "You miss him, huh?" Again, I nodded my head, "He's been busy, raising awareness for mental health. He's been to Hell and back, worrying about you. And it was making him ill, so Jack and Judai told him to stop, and let you come round on your own. I mean, you weren't ever going to get better in Jaden spiralled into self-destruct mode, where you,"

Guiltily, I hung my head, eyes trained on my lap. I'd been making Jaden ill? The thought poisoned my blood, causing me to want to retch.

"Did you think he'd abandoned you?"

I shook my head, too quickly to dispel his suspicions. His lip twitched something Yusei Fudo had never done before. He had a way of looking me directly in the eye to show he wasn't lying, but his irises kept darting to the door. Was he going to run, was he hiding something from me?

**Goodnight, Goodbye, a soul surrenders,**

Suddenly, the front door went, and with an almighty bang, a tiny blue haired blur of blue burst into the room. Large, emerald green eyes mirroring my own saw me and the little figure pounced, clamping my legs together using his skinny matchstick arms, "Jesse," Jamie chirped, his darling little face cheerful and joyous. I scooped my baby brother into my arms, holding him to my chest. He jerked around, attempting to find a comfortable place to sit. Feeling my bones through my filthy clothes, he poked at my prominent collar bone with a dainty finger, "Jesse too skinny," He announced, folding his arms across his tiny chest and huffing, "Jesse should eat." He pouted cutely, as though the fact that I had lost a little weight offended him.

Who was I trying to convince, him, or myself? I hadn't only lost a little weight; I'd been wasting away into a skeleton. My size four jeans hung loosely off my fragile size zero body; so much so that they could fit another me inside them. The little muscle I'd had in my arms and upper body disintegrated, and now the only shape there was the shape of my rib cage through thin, papery flesh.

Ghosting Jamie, Jaden entered the room after dropping off his guitar and amp, and it was a good thing too, because he froze when he caught sight of me. His handsome features twisted into something spiteful, "Good lord, Jesse, you look like shit." He exploded.

I narrowed my hollow eyes at him, cupping Jamie's ears. He placed his little hands over mine, staring dead ahead at Jaden, "I haven't eaten properly in weeks, Jaden, what did you think I was going to look like?"

He stormed right up to me, and jabbed his finger painfully into the crater above my collar bone, "That is fucking disgusting." He shuddered, stepping a foot away from me. He gave me a hateful once over, "Go and take a fucking bath."

I gently popped Jamie down on the seat next to me, standing up tall and proud. He kept his hands clamped to his ears, "Okay, Jaden, darling." I said sourly, adding extra sarcasm on the darling.

Yusei raised a thin black eyebrow at Jaden, and though he never said a word, his expression hollered thousands. He wasn't impressed, and nether was I.

**This Love will set you free, from thoughts of yesterday,**

I bumped into Jack and Judai on my way out, whose jaw's both dropped, "Fucking Hell." Jack whispered. I expected him to turn his nose up at me, however, his sharp jaw set into a horrified gasp. Haou Judai just stared. His golden eyes widened to twice the size of saucers. They both looked sickened.

Halfway up the stairs, I halted in my tracks. Their voices floated up to me as clear as crystal, "Jesse's nearly destroyed himself." Jack stage shouted, "How the Hell could we allowed him to get this bad?" I heard it in his tone, the utter self-loathing and guilt he aimed at himself. I pitied him, it wasn't his fault.

Judai's smoky tenor chipping in," At least now he's out of that bedroom, we can keep a closer eye of him, help him to eat right again. It'll be tough, but there isn't another choice. At least he isn't dead."

"You," I imagined the accusing finger Yusei was pointing at his cousin, matching his anger and disgust, "Did you have to be so cruel? If you'd have seen the state he was in this morning, you'd be more sympathetic. He needs you,"

Jaden snorted, "Yeah? He really need's me alright, and he only wanted me, never any of you, where were you when he was too busted up to move, and needed to be carried everywhere. He screamed every time I took him out of the room. I never saw your concern for him when his wounds needed cleaning, Yusei." A bladed sting was cropping up in the way Jaden addressed his cousin.

"Now, that's not fair," Jack butted in, before the two really tore into each other, "Yusei went to pieces over what's happened to Jesse, remember, he's been there before. I was so worried for his mental health, I almost had him committed. All he'd do is stare out the window in the attic, if he'd have been forced to see Jesse in the state he was in before today, it would have killed him. It must have been hard enough dealing with him when he decided to come out, at long last."

Stunned, Yusei remained quiet about my explosive outburst, how desperately I'd wanted to escape, and my surge of claustrophobia. So, really it was Yusei I'd nearly torn to shreds, and not Jaden.

**Now death has come to claim, your beautiful remains, **

Unable to listen anymore, I staggered up the stairs, stiff as board. What the heck was happening, and why had I never noticed it before? The black clouds hanging over Jaden's head. All this time, he'd felt trapped when he was looking after me. And Yusei, always so strong and brave when defending the people he loved the most, threatened with the sword of Damocles hanging over his head.

I grimaced, peeling off my old shapeless clothes and dropping them into a pile. No way of salvaging what they'd become, they'd be burnt in the yard, cremated into ash.

The warm jet stream of water cascaded down onto my skin from the shower head, easing the tension what remained of my muscles. The consistent thrum of the each droplet against the bottom of the bath creating a simple symphony that plastered over any cracks left in the mind.

My thoughts whirled, clicking together like puzzle pieces. When once there was nothing but jumbled nonsense, it all started to make sense. For as long as I had remembered, I'd always relied on either Jaden or Yusei to protect me, no matter what I said about being able to handle myself. Was that all a lie? I hissed if they treated me like a kid, and yet, I barely saw myself any differently.

Just look at yourself, Jesse. You failed defending yourself, and somebody had to save your life, again. It's time you stood up and stopped acting like a little boy, because you are a young man now.

**Here in this room is what we must do,**

I prodded my impossibly flat stomach. Jaden's right, I thought, that is disgusting. Jayne always said when a cheerleader cornered her about her curvy hips; that zero wasn't a real number, and boy was she right. I'd always been pale, but with a peachy undertone that lit up my complexion. Checking myself the mirror, I haunted a ghastly snow white, that wasn't even a colour.

Out of the blue, I smiled, the foreign tug at my lips But it was a blank canvas, a new start, a fresh beginning. I'd been leaning on other people for too long, whining for support when the only person I should have been getting it from was me all along.

Words swelled in my lungs. Sentences lodging in the back of my throat, longing to be spoken, sung, harmonized. A song, long forgotten at the back of my tortured mind, perfectly preserved and still as beautiful as the day it was written. All about coming back, as opposed to burning, The Mortician's Daughter's soundless acoustic strum echoed loudly in my heart, and growing more every second I denied letting it out.

I couldn't help it, the bubble burst. My voice sounded croaky, at first, from lack of use. Gradually, it built up its lost strength again, and the melody extinguished any flame of doubt. Covering me, the music became my bulletproof glass dome, reflecting rainbows across my shrouded vision.

Whatever it was holding me back, the colours dancing in front of my eyes ran it aground. Impossibility was all of a sudden a word two letters too long, and for the first time in weeks, my knees caved in and I erupted into laughter so loud it echoed all around the room.

Everything I feared, all seemed so harmless, so miniscule, I overcame something I never believed I would, and in the time it took for the sun to rise and set again. All the thoughts, broken dreams and cracks in my sanity, all pieced themselves together, not even a token nook marring the finished result.

**What we must do, what we must,**

I couldn't say the world shone all the more brighter in my eyes. Though at that instant, I trusted myself to be strong enough to take it all on, and not only survive, but win.

As I towelled myself off, a delicious aroma wafted up into the bathroom. Yum, I mused, what's cooking? My stomach growled expectantly, and another tsunami of laughter washed my clean. This was a pleasant change, I was actually hungry. Wait, not just hungry, starving.

I raced down the stairs, dressed in an old pair of baggy black jeans held up by a belt, and swamped in one of Jack's tank tops. Speaking of which, there he was, leaning over the cooker, stirring a pan of what spelt like vegan chilli. Rice boiled on the burner next to it, simmering little white grains from stale anomaly, into fluffy delight.

Stomach growling again, I loped into the kitchen. Jack's head snapped up, eyes wide, but he smiled, and I grinned back, "When's dinner?" I asked lightly, rushing to grab a plate.

He laughed, easy – breezy - unlike the Jack I knew thrashing an electric guitar to shreds alone in his room, "Any time you want it, kid. I'm just keeping it warm." He flicked the switch to the burner off.

"I want it now." Jokingly, I held my plate out in front of me, presenting him my best Oliver Twist impression, wide glassy eyes and trembling bottom lip. He chuckled warmly, "Please, sir." I tried to make my voice sound little and meek, but it was cracking with laughter as well.

"Here you go, Oliver." He teased, winking, piling my plate with a generous helping of rise, and a smaller portion of chilli.

**This love will set you free,**

Judai sulked into the dining room, and blinked, once, twice, three times. I waved at him, swallowing a clump of food before saying, "Judai, I need to ask you something," It was my turn to blink, and what I blurted out next startled us both, "I want you to teach me martial arts."

He shot me a questioning look. Really, the uneasy line his lips made read. Is that what you really want? I understood his scepticism perfectly. Before this, the thought to learn to fight would never have crossed my mind.

"Okay," He said, after contemplating the pro's and cons, "But you miss one lesson, deal's off, okay. No backing out either." Eagerly I nodded, shovelling down the rest of my food.

I settled down on the couch, later that day, contented, full and warm, flicking through the T.V channels. Nothing on, great, I thought happily, I didn't fancy rotting my brain away today anyway. The channel surfing stopped when I hit Kerrang radio. Tossing the remote aside, I hummed the old Slipknot song playing, rummaging through the stack of homework I'd asked Jayne to bring home, and never got round to doing.

**From thoughts of yesterday,**

That's right. We were reading Frankenstein in English Lit. The book tumbled out, sheets of maths problems and guitar chords spilling across the floor. Great, I cursed in good will, attempting to pile them haphazardly on top of each other again. That's what I get for leaving them lying around like that.

"Jesse?" A voice said from the door. I craned my head to see who it was, my face splitting into a grin, "Hi, Yusei." I greeted. My hands wobbled precariously, and, giggling, I almost landed myself face first onto the carpet.

Yusei raced to my side, pulling me up. I lay back fully on the sofa, stretching out the stiff cramp in my waist, Frankenstein in one hand, "Are you okay?" Yusei's eyes sparkled heavily, sadly. I hated that, really detested it. So I kissed him, softly on the lips, a seconds tender caress lasting only a second causing him to blink.

"I'm fine," I told him sweetly, placing both my hands on his broad shoulders.

In return, he blessed me a crooked half smile, "That's good to here, but you sure you don't want anything?"

"Could you get me some ice cream? I haven't had it in so long I've forgotten what it looks like."

He pressed his lips to my forehead, hand in my hair, stroking the silky softness instead of brittle tangles, "Sure, kiddo." And he got up to leave.

I pulled him back down by the arm, "I'm not a kid anymore, Yusei." I stated humbly.

He smiled, a real one this time, "No Jesse, I guess you aren't."

**Now death has come to claim, your beautiful remains.**

**FiNaL nOtEs: This came out better than I expected. I chose Beautiful Remains because it seemed to fit the dark mood of the chapter, Jesse's unhealthy mental state, and how everything around him had burned to ash. Hope you like this version better than the old one, creative criticism welcome, Flamers will be shot with their own hate, and if you're a BVB hater, and you paste your narrow minded views on their music in my comment section, I'll shut down your computer with a fucking virus, sudden blue death, then I'll get Andy to throw that piss bottle you chucked at Download back at your head. (Joke, I won't really crash your computer, I wouldn't know how ; ) But, in all due respect, if you're going to comment, please focus on the story, and not the music) - Blue **


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